I Create

Skindeep, a photo series by Julien Palast


I just want to create.

I have a lot of things in my head. Late night rides and a room full of cigarettes smokes. The first note from a favorite tune. The smell of my mother’s blanket. The rustic collar of my high school uniform. The first lover. Our first feelings. Taste of his lips. Warmth of his breath.
So on the list. I’m sick of it.
I’m sick of listening. I’m sick of watching.
I’m tired watching good movies and listening to good music because they makes me lost my words when words are everything I have, but I don’t want to do anything except drown myself in good movies and good music
. 

I just want to create. And I’m going to.

I am gonna create a reminder to the essentials. Too much noise. I don’t know what is matter and what is done anymore.
I’m done talking nonsense in conversations. Even if I stop talking then I have to listen to their nonsense. I’m sick of people. I’m sick of them because stories and moments lost its depth in order to make the chit chats going on when memories are all I have, but I don’t want to do anything beside swim in new stories of my people’s lives.

I’m shutting down the world.

The world got too many jokes and inspirational stories that never really really hit my heart (nor your heart), because people go around sharing the stories but nobody actually get inspired nor do something to learn from them.
I’m fucking tired of the world. It makes me feel colorless with all its colors, but then to be colorful I have to throw paints on myself and that’s why I try to reach as far as I’m capable to.
 


Then I just want to create.
I want to create because I know too much. Knowing things makes me demand changes. Changes to a better state.
What is better?
I don’t know. Not knowing scares me for I can’t predict anything. 


I KNOW NOTHING. I KNOW EVERYTHING. I KNOW NOTHING. I KNOW EVERYTHING. I KNOW NOTHING. I KNOW EVERYTHING. I KNOW NOTHING. I KNOW EVERYTHING. I KNOW NOTHING. I KNOW EVERYTHING. I KNOW NOTHING. I KNOW EVERYTHING. I KNOW NOTHING. I KNOW EVERYTHING. I KNOW NOTHING. I KNOW EVERYTHING. I KNOW NOTHING. I KNOW EVERYTHING. 

I absorb everything to create.
This is the most selfish creation that ever exist. This is a creation for the sake of creating itself.
I’m lack of selflessness. I’m lack of ideas. I am lack of confidence. I am a bad creator. I can’t create.I saturate myself in colors. In vision. In sounds.
I’m creating because I wanna be my own inspiration. I wanna be my own muse. I want to admire myself. I want to breed instead of absorb.

I want to create to find me. I will create. I’m creating.





NOTES:
This piece was appeared on LAKUNA, a theatre performance directed by Kennya Rinonce in collaboration with HMGNC and Uvisual. The performance was held at Parahyangan Catholic University's annual biggest art event, SATURA (used to be Parahyangan Film Festival), which is basically an art event consists of short films screening, poetry/photography exhibition with a taste of theatre. 
Originally called I Just Want to Write, this writing is revised in order to match the whole theme of the performance.



0 komentar:

Post a Comment