In Pages



illustration by Abiyasa Adhiguna Legawa (2015)

“Someday soon I have to go.”  He stared at me. His expression is dark, as always. His sight, though, the way he looked at me, feels like a twilight when everything is warm orange.


I didn’t say anything. I just sat there staring at him,  trying to absorb his form. The form that grew in me along with the story I read.


“But I will always be here.”


I sighed. I know that he would remain in the same place. Forever. I should be happy about that, but I don’t. I wish he could go places like me. With me.


“Please don’t forget me as you see more places, as you meet more interesting people.”


“I’m gonna be with you,‘til the end.”


I stared at him in silence. It’s a literal silence since we were in the library and the old librarian lady who kinda looked like a cockroach would kick me out. I couldn’t imagine how a creepy woman like that could own an endearment on books? I always been taught that well read people are less likely to be evil.


When I think about it, my whole conversation with him was in silence, or else people would think I am cazy for talking by myself.


He smirked at me. His smirk is always a beautiful one, the one that even my best smile couldn’t compare. Oh how I’m gonna miss his jet black eyes and long hair dark as his secrets. My nights would be empty without story about him and his friends.


“Oh please, don’t be such a baby! All you have to do is re-read everything.”


“Funny how I think it suck and amazing at the same time.”


“It’s amazing, no doubt. I’m eternal.”


“You stuck in time.”


That is the moment I realized he was not completely mine, even if it feels like it every single time. Everyone who fall in love with him could own him, and who wouldn’t love a beautiful creature like him? The jawline, the cheekbones, the dirty black shirt with a skull on it. They could hear any kind of voice coming from him. They could create him in their imagination the way they desire. They can create his form as they like. Maybe they would like him to have a different lips or eyes other than how I create him in my mind. They can have their own conversation with him. It makes me a bit more sad.


“Let see... just promise me you wouldn’t love any guy who is more charming than me. I don’t care how well-written their stories are. I don’t give a damn about how perfect their personalities were built.”


I laughed and immediately stopped as the Cockroach Woman gave me a look that could kill a small deer. I looked at him and smiled.


“Oh, I fall for broken souls and sick personalities, remember?”


He ran his fingers through his hair as he rolled his hair. I know anytime I miss him, I could find him again in the same place, remain the same no matter how much I’ve changed. No matter what is his creator’s plan on his lifeline. He might stuck in time, but I could take him in my time the way I like it. The way I want him to be.

He is eternal. In pages. In hearts. Especially in my heart.


Is it real or is it only happened in our head? Well, it’s only happened in our head but it didn’t mean that it wasn’t real. We choose what reality is.


I close the book and he disappeared as I put the book back on the shelf. I could open it again anytime when I want. When I need to. I’m sure it’s someday soon. I always miss him.



NOTES:
This is my second collaboration with Abi, and despite of its light content, it took a long time to actually finish it. I always like Abi's approach on my works so I asked him to look at this one for another collaboration. I wrote this short story right when I was waiting for the last book of Heroes of Olympus by Rick Riordan: Blood of Olympus. I have this kind of endearment for fictional character, this one is inspired by Nico di Angelo.
I realized that lots of people can relate to characters in books (or movies) better than they do in real life. This is not a fanfiction, this is dedicated for those who share the same feeling with me. It's okay to be a nerd, it shows that you actually have amazing empathy, that you are a wonderful human being. Fictional characters are always real. In pages. In hearts.



ABIYASA ADIGUNA LEGAWA

Abi (b. 27 February 1993) loves to draw and take pictures. He is passionate about music, photography, and digital art. Currently studying Visual Communication Design in Bandung and helping one of the faculty organization which is concentrating in illustration.
Visit Abi: Behance | Twitter | Tumblr  


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